Dark Web Roast - July 2025 Edition

By Trellix Advanced Research Center · August 19, 2025

Executive Summary

July 2025 delivered a masterclass in cybercriminal mediocrity that would make even the most charitable threat intelligence analyst weep into their coffee. After extensive hunts across the dark web, the threat landscape delivered a buffet of cybercriminals trying to sell "educational" stealers, ransomware groups declaring "goodwill" retirements, and the kind of operational security that makes leaving your password on a sticky note look sophisticated. From ransomware gangs having public meltdowns over affiliate drama to AI-powered malware that needs to phone home for basic instructions, this month's underground activities showcased the perfect blend of criminal ambition and spectacular incompetence that keeps cybersecurity professionals both entertained and employed.

This Month in the DarkRoast

🎭 The Qilin ransomware soap opera continues

Our beloved Qilin ransomware gang delivered the month's most entertaining meltdown through actor Haise on RAMP forum, who penned what can only be described as a cybercriminal romance novel about affiliate betrayal. The gang is having a full-blown public tantrum over their former affiliate, hastalamuerta, and some bloke called DevManager, allegedly running around telling victims they can get free decryption. Haise is so rattled they're posting screenshots of private conversations and crying about code theft attempts like a spurned lover sharing WhatsApp screenshots. When your ransomware operation's biggest threat isn't law enforcement but disgruntled ex-employees spilling tea on forums, perhaps it's time to reconsider your HR policies. The fact that they're publicly airing their dirty laundry while trying to maintain credibility as a "professional" criminal enterprise is peak underground forum comedy gold that writes itself.

🤖 AI-powered malware that probably asks "please" before stealing your data

Actor WWW from Crdclub shared intelligence about LameHug malware that uses Large Language Models (LLMs) to generate commands dynamically, because apparently even cybercriminals are too busy to write their own code now. This Python-based malware literally asks an AI chatbot what to do next through Hugging Face's API, like a cybercriminal with severe decision paralysis who needs Alexa to tell them how to commit crimes. The malware queries Qwen 2.5-Coder to generate Windows commands for data theft, essentially outsourcing the thinking part of cybercrime to artificial intelligence. Imagine being so incompetent as a threat actor that you make ChatGPT do your hacking homework while you sit back and collect stolen credentials. The future of cybercrime is apparently asking an AI assistant, "Hey Siri, how do I exfiltrate this database?" and hoping it doesn't respond with "I'm sorry, I can't help with that."

🎓 The "educational purposes only" stealer that's about as educational as a molotov cocktail

Sebastian85 from Demon Forums proudly shared Echelon Stealer v5, with its creator "Madcode" claiming it's for "educational purposes" despite being a full-featured credential harvester that targets over 20 applications. This is like selling lockpicks at a hardware store and claiming they're just for teaching people about home security. The malware uses Telegram for command-and-control and steals cryptocurrency wallets, but hey, it's totally just for learning! The cognitive dissonance is so strong you could power a small city with it. Apparently, in the underground scene, "educational purposes" has become the new "asking for a friend" - a transparent fig leaf that fools absolutely nobody but makes the seller feel slightly less guilty about enabling cybercrime.

💝 Hunters International's "gesture of goodwill" retirement

Hunters International ransomware group decided to shut down and offer free decryptors as a "gesture of goodwill" after claiming nearly 300 attacks worldwide. These digital Robin Hoods apparently grew a conscience right around the time law enforcement pressure intensified—what a coincidence! They're basically the cybercrime equivalent of a serial arsonist handing out fire extinguishers on their way to prison. The group's sudden philanthropic awakening after threatening to leak 800,000 cancer patient records shows they've mastered the art of PR damage control better than most Fortune 500 companies. This represents the underground's evolution towards corporate-style crisis management, complete with charitable gestures that would make a politician blush.

🐔 The cyber warfare menu madness

Oasis | @stewie on Telegram's CrazY Marketplace channel sold everything from "binance[.]us VM" for $3,500 to "Web3 Balance Checker" for $1,750, but ended their professional criminal catalogue with "tags (ignore): cb binance kraken gemini vm checker panel mailer coinbase spoof p1 call bot coin data crypto auto dox tools dev looking for com chicken wings and logs with drink." Yes, they literally included "chicken wings and logs with drink" in their cybercrime tool advertisement tags. The threat intelligence here suggests that even elite hacking groups get hungry during their criminal operations. This impacts the entire malware-as-a-service industry by introducing fast food as a legitimate business expense category.

🎭 The great XSS admin vanishing act triggers cybercriminal drama

When XSS forum admin Toha got arrested in Ukraine, the cybercriminal community transformed into a digital grief support group with the emotional stability of teenagers whose favourite Discord server just got banned. Actor clubber on RAMP posted the heartfelt message: "Yeah, I feel pity for Toha if it's true that he was arrested. Let's hope it was someone else, although it seems highly unlikely." Meanwhile, optimus_JJ on XSS delivered the dramatic declaration, "You can forget about XSS. Europol can't troll people like that." The underground's response revealed that these supposed criminal masterminds apparently never heard of operational security or succession planning, turning a straightforward law enforcement takedown into a melodramatic soap opera where everyone's mourning their arrested forum daddy. The sheer lack of contingency planning suggests these digital pirates have been running their operations with all the strategic foresight of a goldfish planning its weekend activities.

🛠️ One-stop shop for cybercrime tools

!TcherBer! runs a coding service on Duty-Free forum, offering to develop "simple brutes, checkers, scripts, C2 modules, PoCs, exploits, malware, ransomware, crypters, spoofers, and joiners." This cybercriminal is essentially running a one-stop shop for cybercrime tools while simultaneously failing to successfully exploit real targets. They promise both CLI and GUI versions, suggesting they're targeting both technical and non-technical criminals - a true equal opportunity threat actor. When your business model involves advertising every possible cybercrime service while demonstrating incompetence in basic exploitation, you're not building a criminal empire - you're running a very expensive technical support scam.

Conclusion

The July 2025 Edition of our Dark Web Roast revealed a criminal ecosystem where ambition consistently exceeds competence, and where the most dangerous threat to cybersecurity might actually be secondhand embarrassment from watching these operations unfold. From ransomware gangs conducting public therapy sessions to AI-dependent malware that needs to phone home for basic instructions, the month delivered a masterclass in how not to run a criminal enterprise. The real threat intelligence takeaway is that while the tools may be getting more sophisticated, the people wielding them remain delightfully, consistently human in their capacity for poor decision-making, terrible operational security, and the kind of public drama that makes reality television look dignified by comparison.

Disclaimer
While these incidents are genuinely amusing, they represent real criminal activities causing significant harm. This content is for threat intelligence and educational purposes only.
And to all you cybercriminals out there, remember they’re just jokes….

Discover the latest cybersecurity research from the Trellix Advanced Research Center: https://www.trellix.com/advanced-research-center/