Dark Web Roast - December 2025 Edition

By Trellix Advanced Research Center · January 15, 2026

Executive summary

December 2025 delivered a spectacular finale to the year's cybercriminal comedy show, featuring Global Ransomware-as-a-Service (RaaS) operator liquidating their empire for pocket change, hacktivists leaving their master encryption key taped outside the safe, and the emotional, nostalgia-fueled reunion of BreachForums users. From the $80,000 ransomware fire sale to BBQLL's corporate buzzword-laden criminal startup pitch, this month's underground activities proved that while crime may not pay, it certainly provides endless entertainment for those monitoring the digital underbelly of society.

This Month in the DarkRoast

🔥 The $80K ransomware fire sale spectacular

$$$ on RAMP forum decided to liquidate their Global ransomware empire for a cool $80,000, or as they poetically put it, "1 BTC (beethoven) gentlemen". The seller is hawking a complete RaaS operation including Windows, Linux, and ESXi lockers, plus management panels, because apparently their "Partnership Program" got shut down. The Windows locker config shows they're only encrypting 10% of files by default — either they're being merciful or they realized full encryption takes too long for their short attention spans. This fire sale screams "we got busted and need to disappear fast," making it the cybercriminal equivalent of a going-out-of-business sale at a sketchy electronics store. The desperation is so palpable you can practically smell the burnt hard drives through your screen.

🍖 BBQLL serves up premium ransomware comedy with corporate buzzwords

BBQLL from DarkForums is serving up some premium comedy with their "for-profit company" seeking "cybersecurity professionals" for their RaaS affiliate program. This crew promises 90% commission splits and boasts about their Rust-coded ransomware that can encrypt files in under 3 seconds - because apparently speed matters when you're ruining someone's day. The operator even offers "ransom negotiation services" and a "bug bounty program," as if they're running a legitimate tech startup. BBQLL's marketing department clearly missed the memo that calling yourself a "for-profit company" while peddling ransomware is peak irony. Their contact address looks more like a WiFi password than professional communication, but hey, at least they're planning an "explosive 2026" with "full bank accounts" — nothing screams professionalism like counting your chickens before they're encrypted.

💸 The discount deepfake dumpster fire

Underground markets are now flooded with budget deepfake services that promise Hollywood-quality face swaps for the price of a McDonald's meal. These bargain-basement digital artists are offering to put anyone's face on anything, with quality control standards that would make a gas station sushi chef blush. The technical specifications read like they were written by someone who learned about AI from TikTok comments, promising "ultra-realistic" results that look about as convincing as a cardboard cutout in a hurricane. Customer reviews are filled with complaints about deepfakes that look more like abstract art than actual faces, proving that in the world of cybercrime, you truly get what you pay for.

🔐 CyberVolk's cryptographic catastrophe: the safe with combination taped outside

The pro-Russia hacktivist group CyberVolk launched their VolkLocker RaaS with what can only be described as the cybersecurity equivalent of leaving your house keys in the front door. These geniuses hardcoded their master encryption key directly into the binary AND wrote it to a plaintext file called "system_backup.key" in the temp folder. Security researchers basically handed victims a free decryption tool by pointing out this "test artifact inadvertently shipped in production builds." It's like selling a safe with the combination taped to the outside - technically, it's still a safe, but the security model needs some work. CyberVolk managed to turn ransomware into shareware with this brilliant implementation.

🎭 BreachForums nostalgia tour: the cybercrime soap opera reunion

The BreachForums community is having an emotional reunion tour that reads like a cybercrime soap opera. Users are posting gems like "yeess breachforums is back," "Le breachforums back ratatouille baguette," and the politically charged "MBFGA (Make BreachForums Great Again)." One user even announced they’d "donate 1600 USD to BreachForums," as if they were supporting their local public radio station. The sheer sentimentality around a data breach marketplace returning is touching in the most twisted way possible. These folks are treating a cybercrime forum comeback like it's the reunion of their favourite boy band, complete with emotional declarations and financial support, though the return of the forum might just be a honeypot, and not the delicious, sticky kind.

🦸 Stormous assembles the cybercrime Avengers initiative

Stormous RaaS operators announced their "fifth edition (V5)," featuring a "strategic alliance that unites six RaaS groups," including Nova, DevMan, CoinBase Cartel, RADAR, Desolator, and Kryptos ransomware. This reads like the cybercrime version of the Avengers assembling, except instead of saving the world, they're planning to encrypt it. The announcement talks about "expanding attack surfaces" and "optimising efficiency" with the corporate buzzword enthusiasm of a Silicon Valley startup pitch deck. Nothing says "professional criminal enterprise" like forming a consortium with proper branding and strategic planning documents hosted on the dark web.

Conclusion

December's conclusion to the year's cybercrime saga was a predictable mix of profound stupidity and ironic corporate flair. With a Global RaaS group fire-selling their whole operation for “1 BTC (beethoven)” and hacktivists leaving their master encryption key in plaintext, the underground is a goldmine of desperation. As long as groups continue to peddle their exploits with Silicon Valley-style buzzwords and treat data breach marketplaces like a beloved boy band reunion, we are guaranteed a new year of self-sabotage and unintentional comedy.

The real threat isn't necessarily the sophistication of these operations, it's the sheer volume of people willing to publicly document their multimillion-dollar crimes while complaining about mixer quality and subscription models. If this is the future of cybercrime, perhaps the best defense is simply stepping back and letting them continue talking themselves into an arrest.

Disclaimer

While these incidents are genuinely amusing, they represent real criminal activities causing significant harm. This content is for threat intelligence and educational purposes only.

Discover the latest cybersecurity research from the Trellix Advanced Research Center: https://www.trellix.com/advanced-research-center/